Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
where does the pee come out of this thing
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
