so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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