Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
