whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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