Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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