oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
