I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
