I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Randomize
