so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
