i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
