Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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