just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize