I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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