I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
