you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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