girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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