how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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