remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
