imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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