I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
