how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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