Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
