he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
