Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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