you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
