I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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