I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i drank out of a bidet.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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