She is in my trunk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
