Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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