Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
