before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
