Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
