I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
