Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
