I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize