if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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