The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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