no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
