Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
