I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
