there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
