The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
