he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
