Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
