I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
