Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize