There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
