My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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