Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
