it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
