I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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