i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
