Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I didn't shave. On purpose
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
