If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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