im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
