you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
