I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
