Ambien. No doubt about it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
