i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
