I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
