My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
