I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize