Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
