his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize