Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
